The original Star Wars trilogy is a brilliant work; A masterpiece of storytelling. Identifiable characters, classic story ideas, and groundbreaking special effects all go hand in hand to make one of the most powerful motion picture trilogies of all time.
The prequel trilogy is…. Less than impressive. The films have two huge prevalent flaws in them-
We already know what happens to all of the important characters, so there’s not a whole lot in the tension department.
They’re stupid, stupid movies.
I will cut Revenge of the Sith some slack, as it is significantly better than its two predecessors. It’s still not great, though, and certainly isn’t in the same category as the original trilogy. After this trilogy is said and done, we see George Lucas content to retread material from in between these movies rather than growing some balls and actually pushing the Star Wars universe forward. This new monstrosity is just that- monstrous. It’s an hour and a half sugar coated batch of bantha crap, served with bright colors and loud noises. Everything about this flick smacks of crap. Anakin’s obnoxious apprentice is on the screen constantly, going around half-assedly fighting with a lightsaber and holding on to farting baby Hutts all the while degrading Darth Vader’s memory by calling Anakin “Skyguy.”
While I’m on the subject of Manakin Skywalker, let me go over something- there is no way that shrimp turns into Darth Vader. None. You know who could have turned into Darth Vader? The guy playing Darth Vader’s Apprentice in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t blame Hayden Christensen for Manakin’s behavior. I’ve seen Hayden in other stuff. Hayden, you, sir, are a fine actor. I just wanted you to know that. I understand why you’d go after playing Anakin; it’s the break out role of a lifetime. I don’t blame you for the robotic acting you were forced to suffer through. Hell, everyone gave some mechanical performances. The only characters that didn’t really act like robots were, ironically, the frickin’ droids. But George Lucas was more content to bombard the audience with CGI imagery than to sit down and try to scribe something good and universal in its story, like the original trilogy.
I was one of the first ‘lucky’ few to get a surprise screening of the Clone Wars trailer at Wonder-con. And by ‘lucky’ I mean that I was there for the Get Smart panel with Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway but I had to sit through this stupid ‘surprise’ first. As I’m sitting there, listening to George talk about how he wanted to explore the stories within the clone wars and the characters within the clone wars, I’m thinking “Who friggin’ cares?” Why would we want to sit through watching some bullcrap about some back story that Ben Kenobi referred to like once in the first Star Wars movie? And again, the problem with allllllll of this sequel stuff is that we know the outcome of anything important. In Revenge of the Sith, both of the climactic battles were utterly pointless to watch; We knew Ben would beat Anakin, and we knew that nothing earth-shattering was going to happen between Yoda and the Emperor. This stupid Clone Wars flick just draws back into that same problem. Anakin vs. Count Dooku? Who cares, we know what happens to both of them. And while we’re on the subject, Dooku? Why didn’t you just name him Count Crapula? I mean, his name is just a short vowel sound away from being Count Dookie anyway, why not take it a step further.
So there you have it.
The new Star Wars: The Clone Wars flick is a bust, a total piece of garbage. George Lucas would rather sit and rake in the dough off of rehashing prequel trash than take the risk of putting himself out there with something new. What happened to that visionary film maker behind that original trilogy so long ago? I’ll tell you what happened, money did. Stupendous success corrupted him, pulling him away from the Jedi way of making movies that tell a good story over to the Sith way of making movies that have a lot of flash and not much bang. This was not an instantaneous process folks. Hell, if you look back at the original trilogy there’s a little bit of that prequel stupidity scattered in there. Don’t get me wrong, I love those films. But there are a couple of things that just don’t work for me.
Ewoks, man. I know they were supposed to show the wildness of nature’s triumph over the order of the mechanical empire, but whatever. Keep those teddy bears out. Should’ve just had the whole thing set on Kashyyk with the wookies. That would’ve been much more respectable. But the Ewoks aren’t my biggest grief, oddly enough.
Luke and Leia are siblings. Nope. Nuh-uh. I don’t accept that. The whole thing feels very tacked on and lame, and puts some oddly incestuous implications behind the first two films.
So what’s to happen to our precious Star Wars? I don’t know. Maybe George will retire from the Star Wars biz and someone will find his original notes on episodes VII, VIII, and IX and expand upon them. Maybe Vader’s secret apprentice and Mace Windu will show up. Maybe those Solo kids that the expanded universe books are so fond of will be the focus. Who knows, all I can say is this- As long as George Lucas stays head of the Star Wars universe it’s unlikely that we will see anything one iota as moving as the original material because George would rather make good money than tell good stories.
-Alex L.
